Awhile back, a very, very, very dear friend of ours passed away. I had written this post at that time, but for reasons that are not important, I took it down. I really liked the image, and the majority of the post, but there were…issues.
Not a day has gone by since her passing that I don’t think about Carole. She was a dear friend. But by finally taking Carole, cancer has only partially succeeded in taking her from us. As someone I once knew would say, “It has not won.”
I wish I could say the same about what happened with our relationship to her husband. I really do. But our struggle to deal with losing a woman we both loved deeply — among other things — made it impossible for us to maintain the bond with him. I had hoped that would only be a temporary success for cancer, as well, but it turns out, as they say, that there was too much water under the bridge.
And too many other problems.
I will give him credit for this (among some other things): when Carole was nearing the end, he did get in touch with us through other mutual friends, and gave us an opportunity to come see Carole for one last goodbye at the hospice a couple of days before her passing.
Aside from being reminded by all this that we are all far from perfect people, I re-learned the lesson that everyone grieves in their own way. My grief may take a different shape than that of others. I may not always understand what they are doing; it may not always make sense to me. But I have to remember that I am not them; they are not Rick. When I do not understand, it’s a good clue that I should simply stand silent. Which is why you, dear reader, are not getting more specific information on the issue. [Read more…]